The Last House on the Left

Yes, I went to see The Last House on the Left. Why not? I'm the guy who sees all these movies. I might have missed stuff like The Reader and Milk, but by God, I've seen My Bloody Valentine 3D and Friday the 13th. And now I've seen this remake of the Wes Craven cult film (something in my brain just prohibits me from calling it a "classic") about revenge.

I'm not even sure it's a horror film. I guess it's closer to some of those torture porn films that have been the rage for several years now, but seem to have been petering out (except for the annual Saw Halloween gasp). I can't remember ever watching the original Last House all the way through, but I understand from folks who've been there that it's a hard one to take. Quick premise (although, if you're reading this blog, chances are excellent you already know): two teenage girls out for a fun drive are waylaid by a pack of scuzzy psychos, who proceed to rape, abuse, and kill them. The psychos are forced to hole up in a house owned by the parents of one of the girls, which even Wes Craven himself admits is one of the all-time greatest ironies in movie history. When the parents realize who they've got as guests, all hell really breaks loose.

That's the original premise. I'm going to go ahead and break my cardinal spoiler rule by telling you right here that the new movie makes one huge change to the "rape, abuse, and kill" part, a character choice that plays out in the second half of the movie. Tony Goldwyn and Monica Potter play the parents, and their acting chops are several cuts above what this type of film usually employs (or deserves). I actually enjoyed their performances, as well as the performance of Sara Paxton, who plays their daughter.

This movie is really big on foreshadowing. For example, the fact that Paxton's character is a champion swimmer? Hell, you just know that'll come into play later on. Then there's the moment where Dad can't seem to fix the microwave. I won't even go there.

I'm going to give this film a 6.5 out of 10. The extra half-star is just so it'll be ranked slightly ahead of Watchmen, a movie I wanted to enjoy a lot more than I did. I guess I wasn't expecting as much out of Last House, and I wound up liking it just a bit more. How's that for irony?

Quick question: Is it possible for a microwave oven to function properly with the door open? Just curious...