What's Ahead in 2011

I chuckled at a recent online quote from Iron Man director Jon Favreau about next summer's movie prospects. Favreau is prepping a new popcorn epic called Cowboys and Aliens, with Harrison Ford. I give Favreau credit for not jumping on the sequel bandwagon, which happens every summer. Anyway, Favreau is worried about his film's chances in the middle of next summer's genre avalanche. Favreau said, "It's gonna be Omaha Beach. There's going to be blood on the carpet and teeth on the floor just about every weekend next summer." Meaning: the slate is so crowded that something's going to get buried. Maybe a lot of somethings.

So I was inspired to take an early look at what's ahead in 2011. I usually save this column for January, but this time I couldn't resist. I found a lot of retreads, a lot of superheroes, and some interesting gems in the mess. See what you think:

January

THE GREEN HORNET. Seth Rogen lost some serious weight to get this role, so husky guys like me should probably give him the benefit of the doubt.

THE RITE. Did you know there's a real exorcism school lodged within the Vatican? Neither did I. Interested? Me neither. But it's Anthony Hopkins, back in genre mode!

February

SANCTUM. I saw the trailer for this one, and it looked nice. Producer James Cameron supplied the same 3D technology he used for Avatar to make the film, about a deep-trench expedition (I think) trapped far underground.

DRIVE ANGRY 3D. Nicolas Cage plays a dead guy who escapes from Hell to get revenge on the cultists who murdered his daughter. Evidently he drives really, really fast to do this. Hence the title.

March

BATTLE: LOS ANGELES. This one is being promoted as a cross between Cloverfield and Black Hawk Down. Aggghhhhh! Shaky-cam alert! Shaky-cam alert!!

THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU. Yet another film based on a Philip K. Dick property (Blade Runner, Total Recall, Minority Report, you name it) with Matt Damon as a Senate hopeful who bucks Fate by falling in love. No, seriously, Fate is majorly pissed; Fate is actually a bunch of men in dark suits who chase you down if you don't turn the right corner, push the right button, etc, etc.

SUCKER PUNCH. Zack Snyder, who made Dawn of the Dead and Watchmen, ramps it up again with this live action comic book about hot-looking babes fighting monsters, ninjas, giant robots, indoor plumbing...okay, I made that last one up.

April

SCREAM 4. After ten years, Ghostface is back. Maybe this time it'll be Courtney Cox under the mask, and she'll go after her ex. Fool around on me, huh? We'll see about that! Eat THIS! Slash...slash...

THE THING. This is a prequel to the John Carpenter classic, relating the events at the Norwegian outpost. I predict the dog gets away at the end.

May

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES. Johnny Depp is back as Jack Sparrow, looking for the Fountain of Youth with Penelope Cruz. Wouldn't we all.

THOR. Marvel Comics is back with another superhero, and Anthony Hopkins plays Odin. No-name Chris Hemsworth sure looks the part in the pictures.

KUNG FU PANDA: THE KABOOM OF DOOM. I only listed this one because I love the title.

June

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS. The Marvel onslaught continues with this prequel to the earlier X-Men movies. We get James McEvoy as a young Charles Xavier and Michael "Inglourious Basterds" Fassbinder as a young Magneto. I'm still cheesed they didn't sign McEvoy to play Bilbo in The Hobbit, but you can't have everything, I guess.

GREEN LANTERN. Ryan Reynolds fills the emerald tights as one of DC Comics' most popular heroes. What, you thought it was all about the Bat at DC?

RISE OF THE APES. Yet another prequel, this one from Fox, in a loose remake of the long-ago Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, with James Franco as a present-day scientist working with highly-evolved monkeys, or something like that. Isn't it cool how I can get away with such long sentence fragments? Just keep adding commas!

CARS 2. I only mention it because it's Pixar's 2011 model. No car pun intended.

July

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON. Which is where I wish all those big-ass robots would just go away to live, and leave the rest of us alone. And take Shia LeBoeuf with you, please.

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2. Remember Favreau's comment about Omaha Beach? This is the cruise missile that will probably do the most damage. I give Marvel Comics props for having the cajones to bring out their Captain America flick the following week.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER. I'm still hoping they move the date on this, because I'd love to see it, but I have a feeling that the boy wizard will eat it for breakfast and spit it out for lunch. A big thumbs up, though, for deciding to film it as a World War II period piece.

COWBOYS AND ALIENS. Guess what, Favreau? You're probably right; those are your teeth on the floor.

(Continued)

The Definition of Gratuitous

There is absolutely nothing in the new film Piranha 3D that could be called "socially redeeming." It doesn't have a message. It doesn't teach a lesson. It doesn't preach. It doesn't get all artsy with its camerawork. It doesn't even have much of a story, clocking in at a very brief 82 minutes.

But those 82 minutes are entertaining.

Director Alexandre Aja, who filmed one of my favorite horror movies of the last decade, Haute Tension, knew exactly what type of movie he was making, and he delivered: the most cheerfully gratuitous major studio film in a long time (maybe ever). There are scenes in this film that have no real business being in the movie other than to deliver a shock, a scare, or just to titillate. How else to describe the slow motion nude underwater ballet (I'm not kidding) between two lovely ladies? Or the chomped-off privates of a cast member, floating directly toward you in all their 3D glory? Or Eli Roth's cameo as the emcee of a wet t-shirt contest?

But wait, there's more. Any self-respecting fan of movies will grin from ear to ear at the opening scene, with a big-name actor sending up a famous role by singing several bars of a well-known song from his big-name film. (The character's name was just icing on the cake.) How can you not laugh out loud at a movie like this? And not maliciously, either.

Piranha 3D doesn't take itself seriously at all, which makes it a guilty pleasure of the highest order. The story, something about prehistoric piranha unleashed on an unsuspecting spring break crowd, is merely setup for one of the single most eye-popping displays of special effects bloodwork ever seen on screen. And now we're back to the definition of gratuitous. But I'm in full complimentary mode, folks. Really.

This will be a hard movie to defend. All I can say is, it's fast, fun, and in your face. Leave your brain at the door and you'll have a good time. Don't forget to pick it up afterward. 9 out of 10 stars.

Ah-nuld Would Be Proud

I went into the first showing of PREDATORS this morning with fingers crossed and a prayer on my lips -- that some way, somehow, Robert Rodriguez would be able to restore some of the bloody sheen to a pretty tarnished genre legacy, and maybe, just maybe, bring some much-needed relief to a pretty crappy movie summer.

My prayers were answered, kids.

As a lover of action movies in general, and action-oriented sci-fi in particular, ALIENS and the original PREDATOR have always ranked pretty high on my list. (I'll put PREDATOR next to T2 as my absolute favorite Schwarzenegger pictures.) I was actually deluded into thinking (once upon a time) that melding the two franchises was a pretty good idea. Then the first AVP movie snared a PG-13 rating with some watered-down action, cheesy FX, and lousy performances. Ugh. The last one, AVP: REQUIEM, was basically a teen slasher film tricked out to look tougher than it was. That didn't leave me with much hope for (or interest in) another sequel.

Then word got around that Robert Rodriguez had dusted off an old treatment of the PREDATOR franchise with the intention of filming something closer to the tone of the original blockbuster. I was encouraged, even after I heard that Rodriguez would only be producing the film, not directing it; he would put someone named Nimrod Antal in the director's chair. I wasn't worried. Thinking Rodriguez wouldn't have some kind of input in PREDATORS is like thinking Spielberg had nothing to do with POLTERGEIST and it was all Tobe Hooper's doing. Uh huh.

This movie kicks righteous ass, f0lks. For starters, the ubiquitous CGI has been dialed waaaay down (with one snazzy exception, a "big reveal" shot about a third of the way in that any genre fans in the crowd with half a brain stem probably already saw coming) and the old-school creature FX/makeup work of the KNB group has been dialed waaaay up. Second, the cast has been populated with some pretty solid actors, starting with Adrien Brody (an Oscar winner, for Pete's sake) in the de facto Arnold part. If you thought Brody held his own as the hero in KING KONG, then you ain't seen nothing yet.

Brody's one of a group of 8 who find themselves mysteriously dropped into an unknown jungle locale; the common factor is that they all come from violent backgrounds. Pretty soon, things start to happen, their numbers start dwindling, and the survivors are fighting for their lives. (I'm trying to keep the plot in general terms for newbies, but you vets get the drift.)

One of the things I loved about PREDATORS is that it gives more than a few nods to its original predecessor. One of the characters is armed with the same type of portable gatling gun that Governor Ventura sported in the first movie, and what song do you think plays over the closing credits? I'll give you a hint -- it was blasting from Ventura's boombox at the beginning of the original. Nice!

PREDATORS was a fun ride, definitely worth a ticket, and I look forward to seeing it again. Give it a solid 9.5 out of 10 stars.

Do You Hear That Gurgling Sound?

It's the sound of 2010, the first half of the year in movies, being flushed down the proverbial toilet. Talk about your disappointments.

As of July 5th, I've seen exactly 17 movies in the theaters thus far this year. That's roughly on a par with past years, although there have been opportunities this year in which I could have very easily gone to a show; I've simply passed them up. Nothing will ever again approach the halcyon days of 1986, the first year I began keeping track of my movie-going; by early July of that year, I had seen 66 movies. I would end the year with 102. You might ask: How did you find the time? My answer: I was unemployed. The obvious follow-up: Where did you find the money? My answer: I went to a lot of matinees. And ate a lot of Lance Nip-Chee Cracker packs for my meals. (That's a diehard movie fan for ya, folks.)

But I digress. What's up with 2010? To put it bluntly, it sucks. Nothing appeals to me. The reasons I've passed up a lot of films can be boiled down to these: The movies are bad, the movies are unappealing, the movies are getting terrible reviews, the movies have been dumbed down, lousy 3D rendering has gutted several decent ideas, and when an interesting idea does rear its inviting head, I can't get to it. Case in point: there's a new one out there called "Cyrus," a quirky indie comedy with good buzz, but its only available screen in the Baltimore metro area is the Landmark downtown, so I guess I'll wait until it hits On Demand or Netflix.

I've seen exactly two movies so far this year that I've flat-out loved: TOY STORY 3 and KICK-ASS. That's 2 out of 17. Only two movies that I would love to watch again, only two that I ever plan to add to my personal collection. That's a pretty crappy average, folks.

Oh, sure, there have been a few nice time-wasters. I liked HOT TUB TIME MACHINE, although its raunchy humor got a little predictable by the end. I liked IRON MAN 2, as far as sequels go, but it didn't have the same thrill as the original. I even liked GROWN UPS, which I saw last week with my wife and son. As Adam Sandler movies go, it was pretty good. Which is faint praise, I assure you.

But the disappointments have outnumbered the good ones, which is pretty surprising, considering how picky we are these days when it comes to spending our monthly mortgage payments on a night out at the movies. THE WOLFMAN was a major letdown, full of sound and fury and signifying exactly nada. CLASH OF THE TITANS was the first of what has turned out to be a truly distressing trend -- the bandwagon approach of redoing already-filmed prints with 3D effects. Trust me, they didn't help the movie at all. KNIGHT AND DAY (speaking of sound and fury signifying nothing) was a nasty sign that Tom Cruise's days as a blockbuster star may be numbered. And A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET -- well, the less said about that one, the better.

Where does that leave us for the rest of 2010? Well, if you're an Oscars buff, you're probably wondering where in hell they're going to come up with 10 Best Picture nominees. (The only one thus far that merits serious consideration would be TOY STORY 3. ) If you're a Christopher Nolan fan (or just a fan of movies in general), then you've got your fingers crossed for INCEPTION, opening July 16. If you're a Harry Potter fan, then you're waiting for November, when the first part of the Deathly Hallows finale hits screens. If you're worried that the rest of the year is going to follow the first half down the ol' Port-a-John (no relation), then you're probably already closing your eyes at that godawful trailer showing Jack Black's take on Gulliver's Travels.

Me, I'll be in line for INCEPTION. In the meantime, I'm reading a great book. (The Passage, by Justin Cronin) What a novel concept. (No pun intended.)

Ridin' Easy Into the Sunset

Dennis Hopper has died. That fact shouldn't be a surprise to the many movie fans who have followed Hopper's career, especially recently, when he looked so sick in public. I was shocked at his appearance, and figured it was only a matter of time before he passed on. It seemed like a good time to reflect on the milestones of his career, for which there were many.

Hopper acted in a lot of TV through the '50s and early '60s. A quick scan through his IMDb listing showed credits for just about any program you could name back then, from The Twilight Zone to Bonanza to The Big Valley to Combat! I think that kept his face in front of a lot of producers and agents. I first noticed him as the son of Rock Hudson and Elizabeth Taylor in GIANT. He showed a rebellious streak even then, playing a scion of a Texas millionaire who married a Mexican. I'll always remember the moment when his wife is denied service at a beauty salon; Hopper flips out and goes after James Dean for the slight.

Later on, he hitched a ride with John Wayne, playing the weak-willed son of bad guy James Gregory in Wayne's '60s classic, THE SONS OF KATIE ELDER. But it was four years later that he scored a double play to end them all: writing, directing, and starring in EASY RIDER, the ultimate counter-culture classic, while simultaneously nailing a small but memorable part in conservative Wayne's Oscar winner, TRUE GRIT. I watched that scene again the other night, and noticed how Hopper's long hair is tied back in a ponytail in the scene. I thought how funny it would be that the Duke might not have had a clue what Hopper was doing on his own in Hollywood at the time. It's possible that Wayne knew about Hopper's tastes and politics and overlooked them, but somehow I kinda doubt it.

Hopper's career went into a long, slow decline after that memorable year, but he enjoyed a career resurgence in the late '80s similar to John Travolta's in the '90s. I loved his supporting performance as the drunken father in HOOSIERS, as well as his villainous role in SPEED. He had a very small part in Tony Scott's Tarantino-penned TRUE ROMANCE as Christian Slater's father, going toe-to-toe with crime boss Christopher Walken in a scene that was an actor's clinic. And he had one more notable TV role, too, as the villainous Victor Drazen on the first season of 24.

Here are my top Hoppers, in order of preference.

1. HOOSIERS (1986)

2. EASY RIDER (1969)

3. SPEED (1994)

4. 24 - Season One (2001-2002)

5. TRUE ROMANCE (1993)

6. GIANT (1956)

7. TRUE GRIT (1969)

8. THE SONS OF KATIE ELDER (1965)

9. BLUE VELVET (1986)

10. APOCALYPSE NOW (1979)

A Nightmare to Sit Through

I went to see the new remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street for Jackie Earle Haley. No, not because I owed him a favor or anything, but because I thought his casting as Freddy Krueger, stepping into Robert Englund's iconic finger-blades, was dead-on. I loved Haley as Rorschach in Watchmen -- he was the best thing in the movie -- and I've enjoyed him as the computer geek sidekick in the Fox drama Human Target. So I figured, what's not to like?

How about the fact that he barely registers under all that melted-cheese-pizza makeup and pitched-way-down-to-here gravel pit of a voice? How about that none of the "high schoolers" (and I use that term very loosely) look like they've seen the business end of a hall pass in about ten years? How about that the movie is so crammed with music stings and jump cuts -- the cheapest, laziest way to get a scream out of the horror film audience -- that you're bored inside of about 30 minutes?

This movie was designed to cash in on the horror remake craze quickly and get out of Dodge, which it seems to have done, taking the box office for one weekend before the Iron Man 2 juggernaut rolls into town. It's probably going to make back its investment, and a nice, tidy profit besides, which means we'll likely see Haley pull on the finger blades one more time. Well, somebody will. But not me, brother. This nightmare is over.

Give the new Nightmare 3 out of 10 stars. An early candidate for the Allie of 2010.

Clap for the Wolfman? Maybe a Little...

I'll say it up front: I hadn't anticipated a movie this much since INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS. Unfortunately, more often than not, the reality doesn't live up to the dream. THE WOLFMAN, twice postponed (a red flag right there), opened Friday, and considering it was an R-rated horror movie opening on the no. 1 date weekend of the year, $30 mil at the box office wasn't too bad. But I digress. I liked some of it; not enough to give it a big rave, but I think horror fans will be able to enjoy it.

This movie was championed by Benicio Del Toro; he starred in it, stuck by it when the first director dropped out and the release date was pushed back, even got a producer's credit for his efforts. And he turned out to be one of the best things in the movie. Del Toro does "tortured soul" very well, and he even bears a passing resemblance to Lon Chaney Jr, although I might be pushing that a bit. I liked what he brought to the tragic character of Lawrence Talbot, prodigal son returned just in time to take on the most iconic of all horror film curses. I liked the British actress Emily Blunt as Gwen Conliffe, the love interest. The two had a nice chemistry together. I was less enamored of Anthony Hopkins, chewing the scenery in the Claude Rains role as Del Toro' s father, Sir John. He was short, squat, looked like Louis Pasteur, and opened the door on a plot point that really sent the movie off the rails.

Which is a shame, because for a while there I really enjoyed myself. The look of THE WOLFMAN was spectacular; the production designer deserves some kind of award for the film. (Even though I knew much of what I was seeing, especially the long range shots of the mansion, was pure CGI.)

And speaking of CGI -- the transformation scenes (what you were allowed to see, anyway) were less than impressive. Rick Baker's legendary expertise was limited to close-up head shots of the creature; second-choice director Joe Johnston decided to forego a time-consuming transformation process a la Baker's masterpiece, AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON. He chose instead to let the computers run wild, and once again, we're presented with a gallery of faked CGI numbers that truly underwhelm. Let's face it; when you see the Wolfman leaping across city rooftops on all fours like a hungry husky, you kinda know you're not watching flesh and blood.

I'll give the film a qualified thumb's up for a good show from Del Toro, Blunt, and Baker. It's worth about 7 out of 10 stars. But purists of the 1941 film -- prepare to scream foul when that little plot point I mentioned earlier rears its ugly head. You'll want to take screenwriter Andrew Kevin Walker (SE7EN) and kick him in the nards. Because, after all, the wolfman has nards. Remember?

Super Bowl Movie Ads -- 2010 Edition

It's hard to kill some traditions -- especially my annual look at the Super Bowl Movie Ads. The numbers were down slightly from last year's record 11 movie spots, but the quality was pretty good and stuck pretty closely to the target audience, with at least one glaring exception. Here are this year's spots, rated from 5 to 1 Smileys:

THE CRAZIES :) :) :) :) :) This was a shock, to see a horror remake at the top of the list; it didn't even show until the postgame festivities. But it was cut differently from the trailer, with some text screen captions that amped the tension for me. A remake of the Romero film about a small town infested with a bloodthirsty psychosis, it looks promising. This is what I look for in a Super Bowl Movie Ad: showing me something different.
SHUTTER ISLAND :) :) :) :) Very well-cut spot that highlights some of the creepiest images from Scorsese's adaptation of the Dennis Lehane thriller. It downplays the mental stability of a lead character (seen front-and-center in the trailer) in favor of eye-grabbing visuals. I'm actually looking forward to this one now, even though I know the ending from the book.
ROBIN HOOD :) :) :) :) They sneaked this one online the other day; I liked it then, and I like it now. Plays up the action/battle quotient, plays down the romance, although I think Cate Blanchett is the perfect choice for Maid Marian. Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe are back. Sounds like Gladiator crossed with Braveheart. No footage of the Merry Men that I could see.
THE WOLFMAN :) :) :) It loses at least one Smiley for not showing anything new. It holds onto at least three Smileys with an If-it-ain't-broke-why-fix-it? attitude. Opens this coming weekend -- finally.
ALICE IN WONDERLAND :) :) :) I'm not sure why this one was here, although it was fifth in a chronological line of eight and the first to make my son respond verbally, as in "I want to see that one." Eye-popping visuals, which is to be expected with anything featuring Tim Burton and Johnny Depp.
THE LAST AIRBENDER :) :) Thirty seconds of frenetic, incomprehensible CGI action from M. Night Shama-lama-ding-dong; I think this guy's career could officially be over. No. 1 Son said it's based on a video game; I'm not surprised.
PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIME :) :) Thirty more seconds of even more incomprehensible CGI action, which John said was also based on a video game. Like a video game adaptation could be slow-moving.
THE BACK-UP PLAN :) I didn't realize thhis was a movie ad until it was almost over; it showed a strange, freaked-out childbirth class, and I thought, what are these guys selling? Then I thought, Hey! That's J-Lo! I didn't know she was pregnant! Then they flashed the title -- an actual movie. God help us. This movie's target audience was already in the theaters, watching Dear John, the latest weepie from Nicholas Sparks. They sure as hell weren't home watching the Super Bowl.

Biggest surprise omission, unless they put it on during the pre-game, which I highly doubt: Iron Man 2. The studio probably figured they didn't need to spend $3 mil on a film with a guaranteed $300 mil at the box office.

Quickie comments on the non-movie ads this year:
1. I love those E-Trade baby commercials. There were three, and they were all funny.
2. Putting Letterman and Leno together, with Oprah as the referee, was a stroke of genius.
3. I'm a sucker for ads with big names sending up their images, like the Brett Favre Hyundai ad, the Megan Fox Motorola ad, and Troy Polamalu subbing for the Punxsutawney groundhog. (That one was weird.)
4. The Careerbuilder.com "Casual Friday" ad was funny in an I-can't-believe-my-eyes-haven't-turned-away-yet sort of way. Lots of unflattering bodies in their tighty whities. As far from CGI as you can get.

What's Coming in 2010

In place of a much-needed club meeting -- damn you, Mother Nature -- I find myself in front of the computer with nothing to do. (I've already vacuumed the house.) So I thought I'd resurrect an old Forum chestnut and lay out some key genre films to look for as the year moves along. There are some gems, some surprises, some train wrecks waiting to happen, some why-bother? remakes, and Saw VII 3D. 'Nuff said. Here ya go:

FEBRUARY

THE WOLF MAN. Hell, yes. And it opens on my birthday, to boot! I haven't looked forward to a movie this much since Inglourious Basterds. The trailer looks properly atmospheric, and it's got a great cast.
SHUTTER ISLAND. If I hadn't already read the Dennis Lehane novel that Martin Scorsese's film is based on, I'd probably be looking forward to this one more. But the trailer looks creepy; I didn't think Martin had it in him.
THE CRAZIES. Remake #1, but I'll be there, because it's based on the one George Romero movie I've never seen. (I think.)
And "Sleeper No. 1": FROZEN. I've seen the trailer; it looks intense. Early buzz on the geek sites is very high. Three friends get stuck on a ski lift when the resort shuts down for the weekend, and no one is coming back until the following weekend. Get the picture?

MARCH

CLASH OF THE TITANS. Remake #2. The first time I think Ray Harryhausen has ever been remade -- that's practically sacrilegious -- but once again, the trailer looks promising. (I'm a sucker for a well-cut trailer.) Sam Worthington is hot off AVATAR, and with Liam Neeson as Zeus and Ralph Fiennes as Hades, who knows?

To be continued. We just ordered pizza, and I have to clear the sidewalk.

Goodbye, Spenser

It's almost a day after I learned that a good friend of mine has died, and I'm still in shock. The fact that I've met this friend face-to-face just once in my life -- about 5 years ago -- is immaterial. I feel like I've known Robert B. Parker for years.

Parker was best known as the creator of the Spenser detective novels, centered around a tough Boston P.I. Robert Urich played the character in a short-lived TV series back in the '80s. Parker also created the character of Police Chief Jesse Stone, capably played by Tom Selleck in a recent series of TV movies. In addition, Parker created a series with a strong female lead, Boston P.I. Sunny Randall, as well as a recent string of westerns featuring the pairing of guns-for-hire Virgil Cole and Everett Hitch. The first of these, Appaloosa, was made into an excellent film starring Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen.

Parker was credited by many of his fellow writers as single-handedly saving the "hard-boiled" detective genre in the '70s when he created Spenser. His writing style was terse, direct, yet surprisingly witty, never more so than when Spenser would trade barbs with his friend Hawk, or repartee with his lady love, Susan Silverman. I've read so many Spenser novels that I've lost track of them all, but thanks to Parker's prolific output -- he averaged three or four books a year for many years -- I could always count on another title just around the next corner.

Several years ago, Parker appeared at the White Marsh Barnes & Noble for a book signing, and I attended. It gave me a chance to meet a real live "famous" author, and while Parker was never on the order of a Dan Brown or Stephen King, he was one of my favorites. That day I got him to sign his latest hardcover, a Sunny Randall novel, I got his publicist to take a picture of us together, and I asked him some questions, most of which I can no longer remember. However, I do remember one comment he made, a rather eerie one given today's context. He said that he worked so far ahead that he could die tomorrow and his publisher would have at least four books ready to go into print. Sure enough, the publisher noted today that a new Jesse Stone novel will be published next month, and several more books, including a few more Spenser novels, are "in the pipeline."

I plan to savor each and every one of them, one page at a time.

The Year in Netflix - 2009

Without further ado, here's my list of movies watched via Netflix in 2009. As you can see, I really indulged my grindhouse tastes last year. But there were a few gems, as well.

THE YEAR IN NETFLIX RENTALS, 2009

SAHARA (Bogart)
BE KIND REWIND
SALO
THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR
FOUR FOR TEXAS
HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER
THE KLANSMAN
SCREAM, BLACULA, SCREAM!
SHOGUN ASSASSIN
W.
LET THE RIGHT ONE IN
PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
PUNISHER: WAR ZONE
LAKEVIEW TERRACE
ROMANCE
EXTREME PREJUDICE
SCHOOLGIRL REPORT: VOL. 1
SPLINTER
LAID TO REST
MARTYRS
THE UNINVITED
THE WRESTLER
CONFESSIONS OF A YOUNG AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE
UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS
AND THEN THERE WERE NONE
FEMALE PRISONER: CAGED!
DEFIANCE
THE KILLER ELITE
TRUE BLOOD: SEASON 1
12 ROUNDS
CALIGULA
BEDTIME STORIES
ALIENS VS. PREDATOR: REQUIEM
THE FURIES
DEXTER: SEASON 3
SPRING BREAK
THE H-MAN
MIDNIGHT BLUE: VOL. 6
THE YAKUZA
MAID IN SWEDEN
STREET KINGS
THE LAST HOUSE ON THE BEACH
THE HAPPENING
WHITE DOG
CHAMBER OF HORRORS
TRICK ‘R’ TREAT
WWE: HULK HOGAN’S UNRELEASED MATCHES
DAMIEN: OMEN II
OMEN III: THE FINAL CONFLICT
CARRIERS
ORPHAN
THE PROPOSAL

I also watched the following instantly at my computer:

TWO-MINUTE WARNING
REMO WILLIAMS: THE ADVENTURE BEGINS
DIGGSTOWN
MY FAVORITE YEAR
D.O.A.
THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE
DAWN OF THE DEAD
THE LAUGHING POLICEMAN
THE APES SEQUELS (BENEATH, ESCAPE, CONQUEST, BATTLE)
A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN
WEREWOLF OF WASHINGTON
POSEIDON
GRINDHOUSE
PORKY’S
MR. WARMTH: THE DON RICKLES PROJECT

Yes, I do have a life. It just doesn’t seem that way from these lists.

The Best of 2009

This will be a cry in the wilderness. Let me explain. The club still has an active forum, but no one has touched it since last winter. This blog hasn't been touched by human hands since last July. The chances of anyone -- anyone -- ever reading this are slim to none. So why bother? Because the ICSFiles is long since defunct, and I just can't seem to let go of my annual Top Ten Movies list. Call it a habit, a hobby, call it what you will. I still like doing it.

Once again, I have followed the rule of not listing the movie unless I have seen it in a movie theater in that calendar year. This is why you'll see last year's Best Picture on my list, but you won't see The Hurt Locker, Up in the Air, or assorted other big releases this time around. Yes, I've seen Avatar, and yes, it made the list. Read on to find out where. You'll also see my honorable mentions, my choice for the Dog of the Year (the "Allie"), and my Blu-Ray purchases for 2009. In a separate post, I'll toss in my annual Year in Netflix Rentals. (More a confessional this year than in previous years.)

Here we go, in ascending order to No. 1:

10. DRAG ME TO HELL. Sam Raimi was back this year. No, not the superheroic Raimi; this was the bare-bones, balls-to-the-wall Raimi of his Evil Dead salad days, and what a pleasure it was to see him flex those creep-out muscles once more. The story was basically an extended Night Gallery episode about a loan officer dealing with a horrific gypsy curse, but the fun was in watching Raimi work his magic. He challenged himself to see if he could pull off a creepshow scream-a-thon on a PG-13 rating, and boy, did he deliver. I still get the chills remembering the moment when the dentures fell out.
9. UP. It's Pixar. Need I say more? Honestly, the only animation I even bother checking out in the theater has to have a Pixar label, because these guys haven't stubbed their toes yet. This time, we got an enchanting modern-day adventure story of a senior citizen who attaches a gazillion balloons to his house and floats away to South America, with an eager-beaver Boy Scout as a stowaway. The animation was bright and colorful, the story didn't talk down to anyone, and the opening no-dialogue sequence was one of the best scenes of the movie year.
8. HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE. Once again, Harry has made my list, and with good reason. The penultimate chapter of the series (sort of, since the last movie will be split in two) went darker than any that had come before, but there was still time for plenty of Hogwarts mischief. Once again, the cast was excellent; this time around, the casting gem was Jim Broadbent as Prof. Horace Slughorn, whose memory of Voldemort's school days provides Harry with a valuable clue.
7. SHERLOCK HOLMES. I anticipate this pick will probably raise the loudest howls, especially from Conan Doyle purists who object to director Guy Ritchie's take on the iconic detective. Robert Downey Jr., locking in his second franchise character, plays Holmes as a bare-knuckle brawler, adept with his fists as well as his brain. But his chemistry with Jude Law as Dr. Watson is undeniable; they really make the movie. The film, by the way, looks fantastic. The period detail is spot on, right down to the Tower Bridge as a construction "work in progress." The ending teleports an obvious sequel, which I hope they can make. I think Johnny Depp would make an excellent Moriarty.
6. ZOMBIELAND. Now this was a surprise. I think this is what you might get if you crossed Woody Allen with George Romero. Or maybe 28 Days Later with more laughs. Whatever the case, Zombieland was the funniest movie I saw in theaters last year, no question. Woody Harrelson (who had quite a career resurgence in 2009) plays a hardcore zombie killer who teams up with Jesse Eisenberg's slightly neurotic teenager in order to survive a zombie apocalypse. I thought Shaun of the Dead mined all the laughs that could be mined in such a premise, but Zombieland took off in a slightly different direction. It was hilarious. (And so was the year's most surprising cameo.)

I'll be back soon with the top half of my list.

A Nostalgic Love Letter to Comics

I have very fond memories of reading the "Sunday Funnies" when I was a kid. Dad would bring the Sunday Pittsburgh Press in from the front porch and immediately strip the comics section and hand it to me. (Back then, the colorful Comics section worked as an eye-grabbing cover for the newspaper. Back then, the Sunday paper was a gigantic one-pound slab of newsprint, too -- but that's a sad rant for another day.)

I would collapse on the living room floor and spread the comics out in front of me. The front page of the section contained Peanuts above the fold, featuring "Good Ol' Charlie Brown," and Prince Valiant starred below the fold. In hindsight, I'm ashamed to say I usually skipped the Prince. I got the jokes of Peanuts immediately, but the lavish detail and strange, balloon-free below-the-art captions of Prince Valiant left me cold. I wish I could go back and look at all those old weekly strips of action and adventure that I missed.

DC Comics is helping me fix that mistake. They've started a 12-week experiment entitled Wednesday Comics, and it's just about the most fun I've had reading comics in a long time. The weekly issue comes packaged in the dimensions of a typical comic book, but it unfolds four times to the size of a newspaper -- 16 huge pages. Printed on newsprint, yet! Each page is a separate adventure featuring a different DC star, continued from week to week, and depending on your taste, you're bound to find something to like.

My favorites were Kamandi, with gorgeous art very reminiscent of the Prince Valiant days; a very solid Superman; a splashy, fun Metamorpho; and a Strange Adventures featuring Adam Strange that brought back the old style and appeal of Flash Gordon in a big way. There were a few minor nitpicks -- the Wonder Woman strip was way too busy and a tad hard to follow, not to mention a bit Disneyfied in its approach; and the Green Lantern strip didn't even bring on the hero until the final panel. But the rest of it was great.

It's a tough sell at $3.99 a week, but this is one comic that I think will lose something in the "graphic novel" trade paperback size. Who cares if it doesn't appreciate in value, and is likely to fade on the newsprint? That's the nostalgic point!

Fathers' Day

It's Fathers' Day, and the tradition around our house is that I can do whatever I want. (The same goes for Mothers' Day and all three family birthdays.) The day started out OK; we skipped church, since the pilot light on our water heater was on the fritz, which meant no hot water for showers. I got the pilot relit, but only long enough for the three of us to clean up with fairly tepid water, so I put in a call for the plumber. Good thing I'm off for the next two months -- that could be how long we have to wait for the plumber.

Anyway, I got some nice things -- a CD of classic '60s tunes for our car trip to Maine next month, the newest John Sandford and Lee Child thrillers (standard Fathers' Day gifts for several years now), and a lifesize Gandalf the White walking staff. (John found it on the internet.) They took me to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, and we were so stuffed that we brought our cheesecake home for dinner. Terri even indulged me with a browsing trip to Barnes & Noble. I considered going to a matinee with John, but the only thing playing that semi-interested me was The Hangover, which I was not about to take John to see, so we decided to crash at home. Which is how I wound up relaxing in front of the computer, enjoying life and reminiscing about my father.

My father wasn't around much after my folks split; my brothers chose to live with him down south, while I chose to stay behind and finish high school in Pennsylvania. But I do remember Dad taking me to movies when I was little. One of my earliest movie memories -- and this predates Jason and the Argonauts -- is of Dad taking me to see Lawrence of Arabia. I didn't last long; all I remember is the motorcycle crash at the beginning, and then I fell asleep. I also remember getting to see The Sword in the Stone, King Kong vs. Godzilla, and even The Birds, which was a pretty traumatic movie for a 5-year-old to see, let me tell you. Dad took me to all of those, and he was quick to give me a dollar on Saturday afternoon whenever I wanted to go catch a matinee with my buddies. He never really objected to any of the movies I asked to see. I was 9 when I saw a double feature matinee of Bonnie and Clyde and Cool Hand Luke with my older cousin, and in hindsight, those were two pretty "adult" movies for a 9-year-old to see without his parents.

The only time I remember my father objecting to one of my movie choices was when he heard I was planning to go see Love Story with my friends from school. He didn't think that was an appropriate movie for 12-year-old boys to see. Of course, that just made us want to see it even more. This was in direct contrast to the time I wanted to see Thunderball when I was 8, and my mother hit the roof. Dad just thought it was an action picture I would like. When my mother reminded him that the last James Bond picture had a naked girl covered in gold paint, Dad just looked at me and said, "Here's a buck. Have a good time."

Dad and I were apart for years, in more ways than one. I know that he always felt bad that he could never help me with my career, like the way he gave advice and guidance to my younger brothers. I was interested in writing and journalism as a career when I went to college, and later, when I turned to teaching, Dad was even more at a loss. (We're talking about a guy whose love letter to my mother in her senior yearbook contained 7 spelling errors, including "kat." I'm serious.)

But we became closer once I was on my own in Baltimore, starting my teaching career (and a family, as well). Whenever Terri and I (and John, when he arrived) would drive to South Carolina for a visit, movies were almost always on the agenda. Dad loved to take the whole family, including all of the grandchildren, out to a movie, where he could play the host, insisting on paying for everyone's ticket and buying all the popcorn and soda. I remember the Christmas of 1997, when John was five. Dad wanted to see Titanic, but there was no way his 5-year-old grandson would sit still for three hours, so Grandma and Terri took John to see Mouse Hunt while "Pop-Pop" and I went to see Titanic. I remember watching that film with my father, the history buff. There was a moment when Dad looked puzzled and whispered to me, "The lights on that boat should have gone out by now," and an instant later, the ship's lights onscreen blinked out. Swear to God.

Then there was the time -- the last time my Dad came to Baltimore, as it turned out -- when Dad and John and I went to see a matinee of The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. I was eager to get his opinion on the film, and was a little disappointed when Dad said he wasn't crazy for it. His words: "Too much of that Gollum guy." Of course, I loved the movie, which I kept to myself.

My final trip to the movies with Dad was our summer 2006 visit the year before he died. Dad, my brother Jimmy, and I went to see Superman Returns while the ladies went to see The Devil Wears Prada. (John was at Scout Camp.) I remember Dad saying there was "no damn way (he) was going to see a Meryl Streep fashion movie." Dad fell asleep three times. I saw the Prada movie on Netflix a year ago, and I remember thinking that Dad called that one wrong.

Dad died in October of 2007, and we knew that my stepmother Karyn would want family around her for the holiday, so we all went down to visit that Christmas. Once again, the family (a grandmother, three sons, three spouses, and four grandchildren) gathered together and went to see a movie: National Treasure: Book of Secrets. I remember not liking the movie very much; most of us thought it was just a retread of the first movie. But, thinking back on it now, maybe Dad's absence had something to do with it, too.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

My Favorite Summer Movie

Over at AintitCool.Com, they're running a blog thread about various writers' favorite summer movies. I'm not talking about this summer's best movies. I'm talking about the one movie in your life that comes to mind when you think "summer." For many people it has been Jaws, for others, it has been one of the Star Wars movies. Jaws is indeed a great "summer movie," and it would be my second choice. But my no. 1 choice for my most cherished summer movie experience harkens back to 1978, and National Lampoon's Animal House.

I chose Animal House because I saw it twice in the late summer of 1978, and the second viewing was even better than the first, which is pretty rare. Initially, I saw it with my cousin in mid-August, not long before I went back to Penn State for my junior year. (My cousin was the guy with whom I had seen the first Star Wars only the year before.) I remember we laughed -- a lot. The theater was not far from St. Vincent College, which the Pittsburgh Steelers used as a training camp site (and still do), and I'm pretty sure the last couple rows of the theater were filled with Steelers players laughing their heads off along with the rest of us.

But the second viewing is what cinched my choice for me. Less than two weeks later, I was back on campus, and about 15 to 20 of us, male and female alike, banded together after lunch one afternoon during orientation week and walked downtown to the local two-screener to catch a matinee of Animal House. The place was jammed with raucous, screaming college students. I can't remember the last time, before or since, when a theater crowd elevated my enjoyment of a film to such heights. It really felt like a shared experience; we were a community, claiming this movie for ourselves. Hell, the movie was about college students! WE WERE COLLEGE STUDENTS!!! Well, most of us weren't as depraved and disgusting in our behavior as John Belushi, but we tried. That year, we tried a lot. (Belushi -- now there's a comic actor I really miss.)

The matinee that afternoon touched off what turned out to be my favorite year of the four I spent at Penn State. There was the dance marathon (where my partner and I placed second), our Sugar Bowl bout with Alabama, my interview with the singers following a Hall and Oates concert, and my first steps into my journalism major. It was a memorable year, and it began with my all-time favorite summer movie experience.

What's yours?

May Movie Madness: Coming Up for Air

It's happening again, only worse. Three years ago, the stars were aligned in May 2006 to offer up a movie-a-week -- literally, a new movie every week that I was just dying to see. I planned it out months in advance, letting Terri know about my plans so she would be prepared with the customary eye rolls, shoulder shrugs, and what-can-I-do?-my-husband's-an-idiot looks. One after the other, I scoped MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III, POSEIDON, THE DA VINCI CODE, and X-MEN: THE LAST STAND. In hindsight, of course, not the best of months. Now here comes May 2009, looking to blast May 2006 out of the Ward Record Books, and -- surprise, surprise! -- my wife is coming along for part of the ride.

Here's the rundown, only partially filled at this time: WOLVERINE, STAR TREK, ANGELS & DEMONS, TERMINATOR: SALVATION, NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: BATTLE OF THE SMITHSONIAN, UP, and DRAG ME TO HELL. Actually, my wife doesn't know about that last one yet, but by the time May 29th rolls around, she'll be too exhausted to care.

The verdict? WOLVERINE -- disappointing. STAR TREK -- An outstanding reboot to the franchise. ANGELS & DEMONS -- surprisingly entertaining. The rest of them -- well, I hope the best is yet to come. Although they'll have to go far to give STAR TREK a run for its money. For a change, I'm not pontificating. (Sorry to disappoint you, Chaz.) I'll wait for the May picnic meeting.

Then I'll pontificate. (Just watch 'em head for the door. Heh, heh.)

P.S. And what about Terri, might you ask? Well, she liked ANGELS & DEMONS a lot more than DA VINCI CODE, as I did. And she's the main reason NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM is on the calendar -- she laughed a lot at the first one. Plus, she wants to see UP as much as I do. Three date movies in less than a month -- it's like 1989 all over again, but with higher ticket prices.

Watchmen on DVD

Hey John,

How come everything else comes out on DVD in 30 seconds and a movie like Watchmen, which didn't burn up the box office is set for a July release???? I am really jonesing for that one.

So Much For the Superhero Winning Streak

2008 was a great year for comic geeks at the movies, with the success of Iron Man, The Dark Knight, and to a lesser extent, The Incredible Hulk and Wanted. But 2009, unfortunately, has not gotten off to the same flying start. Watchmen turned out to be overrated and somewhat pretentious, and now, here comes Wolverine, the Canuck with Claws, stepping away from X-Men "group mode" to fly solo. It's bits and pieces of a fun movie that don't add up to a whole heck of a lot.

Wolverine is, arguably, the most popular character in the Marvel Comics stable, so it was only natural that the powers that be would send him out on his own, sooner or later. (It helps when you give Hugh Jackman, the man with the claws, a producer's credit. Not to mention letting him film the thing in his own Australian backyard. What, did Canada decide to raise its taxes?) But the movie was such a mess, I found myself nitpicking from the get-go.

Let's start with the background detail, which takes up the first 15 minutes. I've gotten along perfectly well without Wolverine's backstory for over 30 years, thank you very much. I really didn't need to know that his real name is -- or was -- James Howlett, and as a child, he suffered the trauma of unwittingly killing his ...oh, please. If you can't fill in that blank on your own, you've already failed Screenwriting Cliches 101.

I think I knew from the comics (It's hard to say, since I haven't read Wolverine or X-Men regularly since about '95) that Wolverine has always had some sort of blood feud going with the psychotic Sabretooth. That little tidbit is given ample screen time here, with Wolverine and Sabretooth as half-brothers bouncing from one war to the next across the decades. I guess the "healing factor" that makes Wolverine a mutant also works as its own immortality drug. (Well, at the very least, it must slow the mortal part down a lot.) Wolverine/James Howlett/Logan/Who the hell knows? is recruited by Col. William Stryker for a special ops detail made up of other secretive mutants, and Sabretooth comes with him, mainly for the chance to kill lotsa folks legally. Stryker, played by the older Brian Cox in X2, is played here with equally bureaucratic smarm by Danny Huston, who I liked as the head vampire in 30 Days of Night. Knowing that Stryker has to live so he can cause all sorts of mischief in X2 kind of takes away the suspense, but that's the way it is with prequels, folks.

I have to note that I liked Liev Schreiber's portrayal of Sabretooth. Even though he looks nothing like the comic book character, Schreiber is a hell of an actor, and he chews into his role (literally) with feral glee. The movie wakes up every time he comes onscreen, which is often enough to warrant a Netflix rental down the road, I guess.

But one good performance is not enough to save this movie. There's all sorts of things going on here that really make no sense. For instance, why would Stryker spend a kazillion dollars to turn Wolverine into an adamantium-laced force of nature, then attempt to kill him when he doesn't want to play ball? Can bureaucrats be that petty? (Dumb question.) Soon after Wolverine goes on the run, he meets up with Ma and Pa Kent (or wait -- was that Uncle Ben and Aunt May?), a pair of walking homespun cliches with targets on their backs whose sole reason for being in the film is to give Wolverine another excuse for opening a mega-can of whoopass on the bad guys. (As if Jackman needed another reason, being stuck in this movie and all.)

I was waiting for something special, and kept getting stiffed. Even the CGI was lame this time around. The claws looked painted into the frame, and as for that final smackdown -- wouldja believe Wolverine, Sabretooth, and Deadpool duking it out atop the Three Mile Island nuclear reactor? No damn way that's going to look real.

I think the saddest part was waiting until after the end credits for what has now become the signature of all Marvel Comics movies: the "special surprise" extra scene. Even that was boring. I read somewhere that they actually have a couple of different "special surprise" scenes playing at the end of different prints of the film, and if you want to see them all, you have to see the film multiple times. Fat chance of that. I'll wait for the inevitable special edition Blu-Ray. Maybe.

Give Liev Schreiber 4 stars out of 10, tack on an extra 2 stars for a cool helicopter fight scene, and you've got something that's worth a rental on a rainy day. Me, I'm already counting the hours until the Star Trek premiere.

Harper's Island

I caught the premiere episode of the new CBS mystery thriller Harper's Island earlier tonight, and I was hoping someone else on the blog had seen it, too. It's a surprisingly effective take on the old And Then There Were None plot device -- if Agatha Christie had been inclined to dabble in Italian giallo, that is.

A couple of dozen invited guests are boated out to an island resort off the coast of Washington state to attend a wedding. There are the usual soap opera touches -- the from-poverty groom "isn't good enough to marry" the rich bride, the groom's childhood friend must revisit the scene of a family tragedy, ex-boyfriends show up, yadda yadda yadda. It's all set-up for what CBS is really trying to sell: a creepy, violent, 13-week serial killer show.

Because it seems that the guests are going to die, one by one. (CBS even adds a crawl inviting people to log on and vote to predict next week's victim.) The premiere episode actually offered two shocking deaths for the price of one, bookending the show. The first one (Say, have you seen Cousin Ben?) is surprisingly gruesome for network TV, and you immediately find yourself wondering just how far CBS, the home of the geezer demographic, is willing to go.

Evidently pretty damn far, if the second death is any indication. It's shocking on two levels -- the way it is filmed, and the identity of the victim. The viewer is immediately reminded of the death of Janet Leigh in Psycho, and I was left with the feeling that all bets are off. I'll be back to see it next week, and if the storyline improves, I might just last until this thing wraps in July. Which is more than I can say for most of the cast, apparently.

Last Gasp (?) of the Senator

You know how people are supposed to go through all these stages of grief with the death process? Denial, anger, etc, etc. to a final acceptance? It's hard to say where the Senator Theater sits in this process, but if last night is any indication, denial is in full swing.

A couple of us -- Charlie Wittig, Dava Sentz, Gary Svehla, Gus Russo, and me -- went to the late showing of Horror of Dracula at the Senator last night, which no-longer-quite-the-owner Tom Kiefaber described as a donation from a private collector. There were many visible scratches in the print, but the color was bright and it was the Senator! This was only the second time I had ever seen a Hammer Dracula on the big screen, and if this turned out to be my final movie at this historic movie house, then Horror of Dracula certainly made just as fitting a send-off as The Godfather, which I saw last fall.

There were dozens and dozens of posters piled against the walls of the lobby, mostly selling for $20 a pop. There were also many promo t-shirts for sale -- Betts, you'll find some Star Wars shirts there -- but the hottest seller seemed to be piles and piles of the actual black aluminum marquee letters, which were going for $10 each. I was tempted to buy a couple of those, but wound up walking out with a very nice re-issue poster of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.

Kiefaber mentioned that there were a lot of "flea market folks" waiting at the door when the theater opened that afternoon, but what those folks didn't realize was that the best stuff wasn't coming out first, because they were putting out the most recent things, which would be on the top of the pile in their storage rooms. Kiefaber figures the oldest posters, etc. would be toward the bottom of the pile. Sure enough, when we exited the theater, the marquee letters had been re-stocked and there were fresh (well, fresher) t-shirts on the tables.

He also said they planned to show a few more movies in the next few weeks, with possibly another late feature. Senator fans (or just simply fans of movies) should take note.